Bert’s a rebel
Let’s imagine for a second what a guy named Humberto would look like.
He’d be portly with a round pudgy face and would carry most of his weight around his midsection – what he refers to as "more to love."
He walks with a hurried swagger that’s reminiscent of a bear looking for a honey pot. Because of this, his buddies call him Bear, but his mom still calls him Bert.
Humberto’s spikey hair is like a finely sculpted statue. He wants people to know that even though he lets his mama call him Bert, he’s a rebel. When you think he’s going to zig, he zags.
The spikes emitting from his head come up an inch off his scalp, and he goes through more bottles of gel a week than the number of category storms this year.
He keeps his sideburns neatly trimmed. He certainly does not have a mustache, because he knows that with an ethnic name like Humberto, that’d just be typical. And Bear is anything but. Typical, that is. Unfortunately, all the forecasters in Houston and administrators at UH couldn’t see that spikey hair coming from the coast. They didn’t know to expect the unexpected from this wannabe-radical, so school was cancelled for an entire day.
When Bear finally came to town, we were left thinking "Where the storm at?"
Brooms and bats
How do you normally kill a bat? With Raid, of course.
Apparently the Bat Raid wasn’t available at Texas Southern University when the little creatures swarmed one of its dormitories Monday.
Instead, the students fended off the bloodsuckers with their only resources – tennis rackets and brooms.
This makes us sad.
Did no one have a shoe? Maybe the students should have invested in some darts, or bamboo shooters or even Vidal Sassoon Hairspray as makeshift Mace.
Some kind of battle to the death should have happened, but we still appreciate the students’ MacGyver tactics and hope in all honesty that they’ll be able to avoid a rabies shot.