Judge Dredd has authority over all things powerful and manly and is not limited merely to the UH. His realm extends over everything sports related in the continent of North America. To further establish his domain, Judge Dredd has created power rankings for Conference USA.
Tulsa (8-0, 5-0 C-USA)
The only thing that might be holding back the undefeated Golden Hurricane from becoming BCS busters is their poor-man’s strength of schedule. On the other hand, they have beaten the spirit out of every mediocre or slightly above average team they’ve come against. So now there are about eight teams in the country that dress soul-less zombies on Saturdays. Where’s that hot chick from Resident Evil when you need her? If anyone remembers her name, shoot Judge Dredd an e-mail.
Rice (5-3, 4-1 C-USA)
The Owls just happen to be the only team not named Tulsa to have more than five wins. Fittingly, they have earned the No. 2 spot in Judge Dredd’s Super Awesome Conference USA Power Rankings – the only Power Rankings in life that matter. Rice rolled over Tulane in a 42-17 win Saturday, and Judge Dredd heard the team humming verse of the Tulane Green Wave song while doing it. If you’ve never heard of the Tulane Green Wave song just make sure to read the Tulane blurb later in the power rankings.
Marshall (4-4, 3-1 C-USA)
The Thundering Herd might actually be for real. They took down a Houston team that Judge Dredd consistently touted as the second-strongest team in C-USA. Their 37-23 win was not as close as the score let on. Marshall is quietly establishing itself as one of the more dominant teams in the conference.
Houston (4-4, 3-1 C-USA)
Judge Dredd has never been one to show compassion, and won’t start now. The Cougars dropped two spots because they deserved to. This team needs to find a way to come out of the gate fast instead of forcing itself into comeback situations. Judge Dredd would just like to put it out there. Whenever that service cart that took out Patrick Edwards comes out of hiding, it is as good as dead. Judge Dredd will turn it into ash with his laser eyes. Judge Dredd hates cheap shots.
East Carolina (4-3, 2-1 C-USA)
East Carolina has only played three conference games, and though it is one of the only three teams with a record over .500 in the conference, it really hasn’t done enough to warrant a higher ranking in Judge Dredd’s book of awesomeness.
Texas-El Paso (3-4, 3-1 C-USA)
The Miners remain a mystery to Judge Dredd. They’ve shown the ability to win and win big. On the other hand, they’ve also shown the ability to get an industrial sized Can O’ Whoop-ass opened up on them. It will be interesting to see where they fall as the season winds down.
Memphis (4-5, 2-3 C-USA)
The Tigers survived a tough battle in Saturday’s 36-30 win over Southern Methodist to remain in contention for a postseason bowl. They’ll need to capture wins in two of their last three games to qualify for a bowl game.
Central Florida (2-5, 1-2 C-USA)
How bad was Sunday’s 49-19 loss to Tulsa? The Golden Knights were shut out in the second half and held to only 187 total yards by an unspectacular Tulsa defense. Go figure.
Tulane (2-5, 1-3 C-USA)
When you’re climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter – Tulane Green Wave, Tulane Green Wave. The Green Wave was blown out 42-17 by Rice on Saturday. Chances are, LSU will do more damage than that this weekend.
Alabama-Birmingham (2-6, 1-3 C-USA)
Considering how every team at the bottom of the Conference USA ladder lost, it’s probably safe to say that if UAB had not had a bye, it would have got the mess beat out of it too.
Southern Miss (2-6, 0-4 C-USA)
The only way the Golden Eagles can come anywhere near a bowl game this season is if they take a field trip to one. Their season is over.
Southern Methodist (1-8, 0-5 C-USA)
The Shetland Ponies were completely run over in Saturday’s 34-7 loss to Navy – literally. Navy ran on all 77 of its plays, becoming the first major college team in 11 years to not attempt a pass in a game.
