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Friday, April 16, 2021

Life + Arts

Joke’s on the music industry


On the eve of April Fools, it is time to look at some of music industry’s biggest tools. ‘

Rihanna has the talent, but the brains are lacking. How can you go back to Chris Brown after enabling him to physically and emotionally abuse you the way he did? And how old is Chris Brown? 15?

Good Charlotte’s Benji and Joel Madden think they are more important than they actually are.’

The twins recently did a good deed by going to Africa on behalf of UNICEF. Though their efforts in trying to make a difference are applaudable, the titles of ‘rock stars’ below their names during an appearance on Larry King Live is comedic. Their claims to fame are Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton.’

Lil’ Wayne should put down the guitar and stick to the microphone. Wayne’s foray into rock is positive proof that he should only stick to hip-hop.’

The same could be said about this new wave of white-bread rock acts trying to be ‘crunk.”

Forever the Sickest Kids think they are cute and funny, making up fake beefs with the retail store Forever 21 and announcing at a show they will be touring with blink-182 in April.’

Keep wishing guys – the only thing you’ll be doing on that tour is hitting on the teens in the parking lot.

How many ‘Rock of Love’ reality shows is it going to take Brett Michaels to realize you can’t find real love on VH1. Sure, Michaels could sleep with a lot of strippers, but the ex-front man of Poison doesn’t need a TV show to do that.

Mike Damante

In light of April Fool’s Day, SoundCheck has decided to help fill in the general public on all of the current jokes that are saturating the music industry.’

For some odd reason, there’s a wave of bands that have taken the liberties of bridging the gap between ‘crunk,’ electro and hardcore, deemed ‘crunkcore.’

‘ The formula is simple: use beats with heavy synth and scream nonsense over said beats.’

Bands such as Brokencyde, Millionaires and Dot Dot Curve 🙂 are making waves and money from merging these genres.’

To keep it brief, this is the worst music ever heard, but there is still hope.’

Once these kids max out all of their parents’ Mastercards and Visas, they will hopefully end up working at your local McDonalds to pay them off.’

Another band that has hopefully not stolen any of your hard earned dollars is 3OH!3. This duo from Denver enjoys mixing explicit boy-band pop with electronica and hip-hop, and will undoubtedly make you cringe with lyrics such as ‘Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips,’ among many others.

Another band along the same lines is The Medic Droid. Not to judge a book by its cover, but one glance at this ‘band’s’ MySpace gives you a pretty good idea of what they sound like. Truly, no words are necessary.’

Pre-pubescent pop-punk was actually good at one point, taking into consideration bands like Fenix TX and New Found Glory.’

Nowadays, we have The Maine, Breathe Carolina and Nevershoutnever!, who sing the most possibly run-of-the-mill garbage about everything from riding bikes, lost loves and going to the mall. Just say no everyone.

Roshan Bhatt


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