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Monday, September 25, 2023


Costumes made for college students

With Halloween right around the corner — and knowing how last-minute most they are with studying — it’s only safe to assume college students have waited until the last minute to buy costumes.

Gentlemen, your ladies will have none of it. And ladies, while the sexy nurse/teacher/police officer/whatever is always greatly appreciated, in the long-term most guys prefer a sense of humor, so try something new this year. Here are a few suggestions we’ve come up with, none of which should cost too much:

TV censor – This one’s simple; just buy a black poster board and cut it up to cover your naughty bits, as a censor would for television. We suggest wearing something underneath, but we’ll leave that part up to you.

A Chilean miner – Buy a miner costume, roll around in your front yard for an hour or so and ask two girls to meet you at the party. The women in question will undoubtedly never speak to you again, but everyone else at the party will forever remember the epic proportions of your costume/prank.

Pig Pen (from Peanuts) – If one of the girls you invite fails to show and/or you can’t find a miner costume, this one will do in a squeeze. Don’t expect the one woman who showed up to spend much time in close proximity with you, though. You are, after all, covered in dirt.

Chad Kroeger (the lead singer of Nickelback) – Dress as yourself but walk around talking about how you’re more talented than everyone thinks. Oh, and talk about how Canada is better than America. Don’t expect to make any new friends at the party.

Pizza – Cut a circle in a pizza box and stick your head through it. If you have bad acne, you’re pepperoni and if not, you’re cheese. Simple enough, right? And don’t try to be cheese if you’re really pepperoni.

A growth spurt – Dress in children’s clothes and tell everyone you’re a big boy/girl now. This one’s pretty creepy and might attract the attention of some older people with weird fetishes. Be warned.

A Mullet – Cut an old suit in half. Have the front look like a businessman’s suit and the back look like a Nascar fan’s apparel. Tell people that you’re “business in the front, party in the back.”

Edward Cullen – Put on a bunch of white makeup, walk around the party talking about how people smell and then hit on women who are considerably younger than you — preferably by a few hundred years.

Jersey Shore – Get a spray-on tan, cover yourself with sand, wear Ed Hardy and constantly show everyone your abs. And don’t worry, because if you dress like this, you’ll probably upset your girlfriend who will end up causing a scene, which by association will make her Snooki.

M. Night Shyamalan – Show up to the party, make one really good joke, then disappoint everyone you meet for the next 10 years.

Your soon-to-be ex – Put your significant other’s clothes on and walk around the party pretending to be them.

Twitter – Talk in 140 character sentences, be self-promoting, whenever talking to someone say “at” before their names, then try to trend every conversation you’re involved in.

Kidnapper – Put your best friend in your trunk of your car for the duration of a party.

And finally…

The Daily Cougar – Be someone who is complained about constantly and walked by the majority of people at the party without even being looked at, much less talked to.


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