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Sunday, September 24, 2023

Life + Arts

Cheering up sweetheart takes 6 simple steps

Being the one around when the person you’re dating is crying is a lot like stepping in dog poop with nothing to clean

One of the worst things is finding your boyfriend or girlfriend crying. Learning how to cheer them shouldn’t be hard to do. |

it up.

You know that you’re going to track canine excrement somewhere in your world (that sounds a lot more vulgar than my original word choice). But unlike feces (still dirtier), you can’t just simply spray your girlfriend with a garden hose to get her to cheer up.

The closest I’ve ever come to a cure all for the problems of human emotion is laughter.

Step 1: Know that you’re not Superman. If you still want to maintain some sort of superhero persona while you’re there, just think of your self as Aquaman on dry land, and the only thing that you can communicate with is a beta fish that’s hiding under a plastic pirate ship. In this situation, the extraordinary power of fixing others’ issues will only cause both of you more grief in the end.

Step 2: The extra mile is not needed. You’re not fixing; you are just doing what is asked of you. If they need help, then do exactly what they say even if you know that it’s the wrong thing to do. The hardest thing a person that you care about can ask is to be left alone. As a guy, if you see me crying, just give me a big hug, tell me to call and then leave (I don’t care what anyone says, “My Dog Skip” is a sad movie).

Step 3: Make a fool out of yourself. If they want you to stay and you really want to cheer them up, be prepared to be a little goofy. So make funny voices while using sock puppets. Pretty much do anything that would make a 5-year-old laugh. Don’t go any lower in the comedy spectrum because you’ll just end up shaking your car keys at a person. The key shake, while hilarious for 2-year-olds, is just patronizing for those in their early 20s.

Step 4: Don’t make fun of anyone. Best friends and family don’t leave one’s life simply because someone gets upset. So if they hurt because of one of these things, don’t get on the insult bandwagon. They’re caught up in the moment; you shouldn’t be. Think about how things are going to be awkward when they’ve made up, and you are left with your comment just floating out there in the world waiting to bite you on the butt.

Step 5: Compliments are awesome. Don’t force them because at the root of a good compliment is truth and specifics. If a girl is upset with the way she looks, don’t talk about the body. Go for everything above the neck, and you should be good. If anyone is feeling stupid, well let’s face it, you are reading The Daily Cougar. We misspelled “homecoming,” and we desperately need someone to remind us that we are smart and that our layout has improved.

Final Step: Simply wait until the next day. When they get up tomorrow, everything might be better. Don’t bring up yesterday’s problems because there will be another set of them for today.


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