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Thursday, September 28, 2023

Life + Arts

Friends shouldn’t let friends date

Setting your friends up with other friends sounds like a solid idea, but it’s quite the opposite. If and when things go south, it can become a very awkward situation for all parties involved. | Courtesy

There seems no shortage of couples who think they have all the answers to everything having to do with relationships.

It’s almost like they assume that because their relationship is successful, they know how to create other successful relationships and pair people off perfectly — but this is not true.

Actually, it couldn’t be farther from the truth; however, once you’re in a relationship, hanging out with your single friends isn’t the same — I’m assuming this need for couple friends is the reason that people constantly try to set their friends up together. I mean, what could go wrong? They’re your friends already, so spending time with the new couple that you created shouldn’t be awkward.

But here’s where the logic of matchmaking-couples fail. Just because two of your friends are vegetarian and like the same music doesn’t mean they’re perfect for each other. The dynamic duo will find all the things that you two have in common, which makes the situation sound promising.

But they’ll conveniently forget to mention the quirks they have that might be an immediate deal-breaker — things like how they have the personality of a box of rocks or have a terrible sense of humor.

The matchmaking-couple neglects the idea of true compatibility in a rushed attempt to have other paired-off companions.

Aside from a misconception of compatibility, setting your friends up with other friends is always uncomfortable, whether you’re a single matchmaker or not.

The biggest problem with setting up two of your friends is that you’re willing yourself to constantly listen to both people talk about one another because there are two sides to every story.

Besides the fact that this is incredibly annoying, because you have to hear everything twice, you’re also forced to choose sides in those conversations. Not only that, but you’re still responsible for trying to make things work between them, so you have to maintain a façade of it being a match made in heaven.

If you’re a single matchmaker, you’re willing yourself to automatically become the third wheel in any social setting if things work out.

On top of that, you’re obligated to be the third wheel when they hang out for the first few times — you know, so it isn’t so awkward and the pressure of the situation isn’t as high.

While it’s cool to hang out with two friends at once, listening to people talk about how impressive (and thus more desirable) they can be incredibly annoying.

Another mistake the matchmaking-couple makes often is in thinking that being in a successful relationship makes them the go-to relationship experts.

However, this is a fallacy. Their situation is unique to them — this is the same reason that single people shouldn’t give advice.

You shouldn’t evaluate someone else’s situation because the advice you have to offer is based off a relationship that those people weren’t (and never will be) in.

Since you (or you and your partner in matchmaking) were the brains behind the situation, you might get the blame when things go south between your two friends.

Though it wasn’t your fault, you’re going to be the one that has to, once again, take sides in the matter.

No matter how reluctant you are in doing so, you can’t add insult to injury to a friend that has just been dumped.

The moral of the story is that it’s not your responsibility to build a relationship between two people — that’s for them to do.

Finding that special someone is part of the idealist’s view of college, but it will never work out if you force it. This is a mistake that is made frequently because — for a reason unknown to me — people feel incomplete without a significant other.

But to steal a line from Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata,” “Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

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