Have a relaxing spring break

Whenever someone asks me what I did over spring break I always draw a blank. This is because I have never actually gone anywhere over spring break. I usually end up stuck at home because of work, or because I need to work on papers — but the latter of those two reasons never happens. I’ll usually go to my local library for the first day of the break for research and then find myself propelled through the rest of the week in a hedonistic stupor.

I’m not going to kid myself anymore. Spring break is the time to have some fun. Whether I go to South Padre and down hepatitis-laced body shots, or sit at home and sip rum from a teacup, I’m not going to do anything at all.

And, while I might initially feel studious and sophisticated sipping from my rum-filled teacup, that feeling is going to quickly dissipate when I realize I’ve blacked out on top of a textbook.

Now, if you find yourself in the same position I usually find myself in over spring break there are a few things you can do to ensure that your spring break happiness quotient is met.

The first trick I have learned is to do semi-productive things throughout the week. Drink a glass of wine and then sweep the floor. Take a couple of shots, and then fold a couple towels. Check your mail on the way back from the liquor store. I’ve found that I feel less guilty about my spring break laziness when I am completing little tasks like this.

Also, my sense of accomplishment increases as the contents of the bottle of whatever I am drinking decreases. Thus, my spring-break-happiness quotient is met.

Spring break is also a great time to get caught up on Netflix. Watching a season of your favorite show a day or a string of cheap horror films is a great way to distract yourself from the fact that the rest of your friends are partying it up on a distant beach somewhere and you are stuck at home.

However, don’t let the fact that you are watching Netflix with your cat prevent you from making good use of your liver.

Spring break is a great time to learn how to pair wine with whatever you are watching on Netflix. If you’re watching a romantic comedy, go with something sweet, like a Riesling or Gewurztraminer. For something gritty, go with a Shiraz or Cabernet Sauvignon — you’ll appreciate the tannins. For the harder to pair films, go with a versatile wine, like a Merlot.

I’ve found that some of the sweeter Rieslings pair perfectly with “Pushing Daisies,” and that a Shiraz is a perfect compliment to “Braveheart.”

If you work in the mornings and find it impossible to sit outside to tan over the break, consider stopping at a tanning salon for a quick ten-minute session.

Obviously, artificial tanning is a big no-no, so don’t make a habit of it. However, a few sessions over the break are not going to kill you, and you will be able to have that tanned god or goddess glow when you return to class.

I’ve found that I enjoy stand up tanning beds the most. I feel like the meat-center of a sandwich when using the ones you lay down in. Furthermore, if you use one of the standing beds and bring your iPod with you, you can dance away your sorrow for the duration of your session and no one will know. Just make sure your dance moves expose all parts of your body equally and you don’t break one of the bulbs.

Obviously, be careful over the break. If you are someone who is lucky enough to actually go somewhere, make sure you are always aware of your surroundings. And of course, it’s imperative that you designate a driver if you’re planning on having a few drinks.

If you are staying home over the break, just try to have fun in whatever you’re doing. Spring break is a great way to recharge your batteries and prevent yourself from getting burned out. If you have a lot of work to do, try to cram it into either this weekend or next weekend. Most importantly, have fun and be safe.