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Sunday, October 1, 2023

Staff Editorial

Rick Perry should abort his 2016 ambitions

Gov. Rick Perry gave some horrifying information Wednesday during an interview with CBSDFW following a speech to the Plano Chamber of Commerce. Perry told the station that he is considering making another run for president in 2016 — this is hard news to digest. Actually, we don’t want to even have to digest it. Perry gave us enough indigestion during his 2012 primary run.

“I’m certainly going to give that the appropriate consideration,” said Perry, regarding his 2016 presidential ambitions.

“My instincts are very positive towards it right now, but we’ll wait until after the legislative session to make that announcement.”

What? How does Perry even view this as an option? He must realize how much he embarrassed our state during the 2012 primary. He became the walking, talking, embodiment of every known Texas stereotype. Not to mention, the president — really, any elected official — should have the mental capacity to memorize lists that contain more than three bullets.

This is what we recommend to Perry. If he is seriously considering running for president in 2016, he should stop by our office first. Once he gets here we will instruct him to lie down on our couch where he will be given the option to listen to a montage of embarrassing sound bytes from the 2012 primary season. If he decides he wants to listen to it, we will play our montage for him.

After that is finished, we will describe to him why he should not run for president in 2016. It will be a very detailed — almost medical — explanation. When that is finished, we will tell him to take 24 hours to carefully consider his decision.

Our hope, of course, is that after going through this ordeal he will decide to abort his nascent campaign.

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