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Saturday, March 23, 2019

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Timeline: A tale of two presidential candidates


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Hillary Clinton Timeline

April 12, 2015 – Clinton Announces Campaign

In a move literally everyone saw coming, Clinton announced her campaign to become America’s overlord. This becomes a race in which an open socialist and a possible criminal compete to see who can promise to give away the most free stuff.

September 9, 2015 – Clinton Apologizes for Use of Private Server

After months of harsh criticism, and a few investigations, Clinton surprisingly apologized for using a private email server, which would’ve gotten anyone else in trouble.

October 22, 2015 – Clinton Testifies at Benghazi House Select Committee

Clinton, looking annoyed, testifies on the one thing that will seemingly never go away. She didn’t make a “what difference does it make at this point” blunder like last time.

February 2, 2015 – Clinton Wins Iowa

Clinton won the first primary, starting the long process of trying to snatch states from an open socialist. A relatively easy task for a halfway decent candidate, but in Hillary’s hands, it took months.

March 1, 2016 – Clinton Wins Super Tuesday

Southern states don’t like socialism, so it wasn’t as a surprise that Clinton won Super Tuesday.

June 6, 2016 – Clinton Clinches Nomination

After having to fix an election, Clinton reached the delegate count to win the nomination Obama “stole” from her in 2008.

June 27, 2016 – Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch Meet on Tarmac

The height of corruption saw the head of the Department of Justice and the former president meeting to discuss their grandkids days before the FBI recommended no charges. Lynch does not have grandchildren.

July 1, 2016 – Sanders Endorses Hillary

Bernie sold his soul to the woman who made sure her shadow surrogates helped rig an election against him.

July 5, 2016 – Comey Recommends No Charges

FBI Director James Comey recommended no charges for Clinton in a speech that should said, “If she was someone else, she’d be in jail”.

July 22, 2016 – Clinton Names VP Candidate

What Clinton needed was an influx of excitement in her campaign. She chose a man who couldn’t possibly be more boring and more obscure than Mike Pence in Tim Kaine, a senator from Virginia.

July 23, 2016 – WikiLeaks Releases Emails from the DNC

Wikileaks confirmed what everyone already knew: Clinton will use any tactic necessary to win (remember, she stared the birther movement in 2008).

July 28, 2016 – Clinton Accepts Democratic Nomination

Clinton accepted the nomination at a divided convention in a speech signaling to the world that she won’t change.

Donald Trump Timeline

June 16, 2015 – Donald Trump Announces Bid for Presidency

On June 16th, the oddest (and at times, most poorly run) presidential campaign of all time began. If announcement speeches foreshadowed campaigns, this one was pretty spot on.

July 14, 2015 – Trump Tops Poll for First Time

Trump began his long stay on top of the polls, which propelled him to the nomination. People were looking for something different in this election, and they seemingly found it in the mogul.

July 18, 2015 – Trump Dismisses Sen. John McCain’s Service

In a move that many of Trump’s opponents still use against him, Trump blundered by dismissing Sen. John McCain’s war service. This got the ball rolling on the #NeverTrump movement.

July 21, 2015 – Trump Reveals Lindsey Graham’s Phone Number

Though this has very little significance in the scheme of the overall campaign, this was the epitome of Trump; brash, unapologetic, and somewhat hilarious.

August 6, 2015 – First GOP Debate

After the debate (in which Trump performed pretty poorly by starting a war with Megyn Kelly), Trump showed that he is somehow above the media and public opinion.

August 25, 2015 – Trump Throws Jorge Ramos Out of Press Conference

Thus began the long war between the two.

September 3, 2015 – Trump Signs Loyalty Pledge

This was nothing more than Trump realizing he was in the lead and he needed Republicans to not hate him.

October 16, 2015 – Trump Blames 9/11 on Bush

To me, this is the worst thing Trump can possibly say as a Republican candidate. The Bush’s are beloved by many in the party, and blaming the worst terrorist attack in history on George W. Bush only added fuel to the #NeverTrump fire.

November 12, 2015 – Trump Suggests Carson is a Pedophile

And yet, Carson still backed Trump.

November 24, 2015 – Trump Mocks Disabled Reporter

Trump is a baseball bat that hits everything: sometimes a baseball, sometimes a puppy. This was an example of the latter.

December 7, 2015 – Trumps Calls for Muslim Travel Ban

Of all the things Trump has said in the campaign, this got him in the most hot water. He spent weeks inching back the claim after vehement denouncement from both sides.

January 22, 2016 – National Review Publishes its “Never Trump” Installment

The National Review — labeled as the “smart conservatives” — dedicate a whole issue of the magazine to disavowing Trump. This is when the Never Trump movement found a true beginning.

February 9, 2016 – Trump Wins New Hampshire GOP Primary

The beginning of the end as Trump claimed the first state of many to come.

February 18, 2016 – Trump Tells Anderson Cooper He Likes Individual Mandate

Another of Trump’s blunders that added fuel to the Never Trump fire. Since the first GOP debate Trump had been showing his colors of old.

February 25, 2016 – David Duke Endorses Trump

This is only significant due to Trump’s bizarre mishandling of the situation as he refused to disavow Duke for no reason other than his campaign is run by amateurs.

March 1, 2016 – Trump Wins Super Tuesday

Though not winning every state, Trump had a big day on Super Tuesday, propelling him closer to the nomination and adding a sense of “this is going to happen” in Republican circles.

March 8, 2016 – The Corey Lewandowski Incident

Trump’s mishandling of the situation will be remembered as a huge blunder as the media spent weeks on this incident. Of course, this secured Lewandowski a job at CNN.

March 11, 2016 – Trump Cancels Chicago Rally

Though much time had spent on the actions of Trump and his supporters in the media thus far, this showed how violent the other side could be when it came to Trump.

March 30, 2016 – Trump Says Women who Get Illegal Abortions Should be Punished

Trump hit another puppy, then immediately realized his mistake and tried to walk it back. This proved again that Trump has no filter and cooked up policies on the fly.

May 3, 2016 – Trump Becomes the Presumptive Nominee After Cruz and Kasich Drop Out

And then there was one.

May 11, 2016 – Trump Refuses to Release Tax Returns

Trump refusing to release his tax returns is the peak of irony, seeing as he told Mitt Romney to do so back in 2012. Do as I say, not as I do.

May 20, 2016 – The National Rifle Association Endorses Trump

The pro-gun organization endorsed Trump after questions surrounding the GOP candidate’s feelings on guns.

May 26, 2016 – Trump Clinches Delegates for Nomination

Somehow the planets aligned and Trump got enough delegates for the nomination.

June 2, 2016 – Paul Ryan Endorses Trump

If this gives you any indication into how much Ryan hates his life right now, he’s denounced Trump at least once a week since endorsing him.

July 15, 2016 – Trump Announces Pence as Running Mate

In a surprisingly smart move, Trump announced a reasonable, well-liked conservative as his running mate. Chris Christie was upset.

July 18, 2016 – Trump’s RNC entrance

In the best and oddest thing to come out of a political convention in years, Trump makes his professional wrestling entrance.

July 21, 2016 – Trump Accepts Republican Nomination

Though he gave a speech in the same yelling tone, Trump beat all the odds and won the nomination. He also ended the long tradition of the Republican nominee actually being Republican.

Opinion columnist Jorden Smith is a political science junior and president of the College Republicans. He can be reached at [email protected]

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