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Satire: Sanders, Stein and Johnson prep for debate

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In a surprising move to some, Bernie Sanders has decided that he will take his revolution to the debate stage and throw his hat in the ring for the presidential election despite not being able to do so.

It seems Sanders has finally gone over the edge. Although his colleagues and wife are asking him to stop, Sanders has decided to ignore everyone and has set up a tent in front of the Hofstra University media filing center.

The university will host the debate from 8 to 9:30 p.m. local time on Monday without commercial breaks.

“Yes, that’s right, I am back and so are my supporters. You see, there they are,” Sanders said, pointing to two trees in the distance. “I am here because I am a no-nonsense politician. That’s it, really, anyway. You will see… you will see.” 

This is getting ridiculous. After the interview, he was seen talking to a shoe he found near the trash, calling it the bird of his revolution, and trying to place it on his finger. Aren’t we at the point where someone needs to intervene?

Hofstra University Police arrived shortly after Sanders turned up. They came prepared for anything, unsure if he was on campus to literally fight someone over tuition costs that are up to $40,000 this year or because of the debate.

UPDATE 1 p.m.: What started as just Sanders has turned into a catastrophe. Both Libertarian Party nominee Gary Johnson and Green Party nominee Jill Stein have joined Sanders with their own tents, but it’s not to force their names onto the debate stage.

They have both donned Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton masks and have claimed to be the presidential nominees.

That’s right, the two candidates who have minuscule chance of getting 15 percent of the vote have decided that the only way to the White House is a $5 mask. There’s also the hope that millions of Americans can be fooled by their charade.

When asked if they realized what they were doing was the last nail in the coffin, both candidates refused to break character.

“What? No, no, no — I have been told by an extremely reliable source that this will work. I’m telling you, believe me,” Johnson said. “Listen, please, I am telling you that I am Donald J. Trump and I will make America great again. Believe me.”

Stein’s response was even more ridiculous. After the reporters asked her a barrage of questions, she did the only thing she could think of.

“Cough,” Stein said before jumping in the nearby bushes and pretending like the reporters were gone.

This may be just a play for more media coverage by both candidates, but this is starting to get scary. When reporters finally left, all three politicians were taking turns role-playing the debate as if it were actually happening.

Also, their stage was a field and their audience were a bunch of squirrels plus the guy who walks around campus persuading everyone to vote.

Opinion editor Frank Campos is a media production senior and can be reached at [email protected]

5 Comments

  • Did I call it or did I call it. ‘ol Frankie Boy still refuses to install Clinton’s name in any positive headline for her.

    If anything Sanders, Stein, and Johnson will all take votes away from Hillary Clinton. The trend so far is Gary Johnson drawing Hillary voters. And BTW ‘ol Franky Boy … good satire requires some semblance of the truth.

    And Breaking News: GOP Establishment plans secret vote for Trump. Although they won’t admit it, many GOP insiders secretly plan to vote for the Republican nominee. And also Cruz is to endorse Trump.

    The big news so far on Monday’s debate, besides that it may outnumber Monday Night Football viewers … is that Clinton’s podium may be jacked up to equal Trump’s 6’2″ frame. Yes, Hillary’s 5’3 or 4″ self was denied a stool by the debate commission. No word yet if Hillary’s podium will come with a secret teleprompter.

    The Hill had a recent poll with Clinton leading by 6, but heck I was polled recently and I lied, saying I was voting Clinton. I mean, you could tell from the questions that it was a pro-Hillary poll, so what the heck I didn’t tell the truth. Anyway, its what the pollster wanted to here, so I exercised the Trump Effect (aka Wilder Effect).

    This Monday Night debate initially looked GRIM for the GOP and played into Democrat hands when first announced since they ran in conflict with football games. The Progressives remember held their debates on Saturday evenings during the Primaries so as not to be seen.

    But thanks to COLIN KAEPERNICK and his cohorts in disrespecting of Our Flag, a bad Progressive side-effect is that NFL VIEWERSHIP is DOWN, and I and many others will be watching (latest estimates 80-100 million) Hillary for GAFFS and MEDICAL EVENTS. And as for Trump … he’s a natural in front of the camera … and he might err in something but his support is not going to dwindle.

    Recently, Hillary was asked by some reporterette about neurological test, and as always when Hillary is trying to avoid the truth, she goes into her ARKANSAS BROADBEAM CACKLE LAUGH, and works her way out of it, but people are learning about her medical condition despite TDC and the rest of the Progressive media attempts at trying to keep it under cover.

    So go ahead ‘ol Frankie Boy go ahead and print your TRIPE … but know you are not going to change anyone’s mind against Trump, and probably encourage more people to vote against Clinton … whether its Trump, Sanders, Johnson, Stein, etc.

    • “… refuses to install Clinton’s name in any positive headline for her.”

      Hello Bobocefus Jones,

      How’s this: “Hillary Clinton cleared by FBI concerning JFK assassination: Declassified documents prove [at time of Kennedy assassination] Clinton was busy passing New Deal disguised as FDR.”

      Two-fer, as they say.

      • B:

        You can continue lie to yourself if about Clinton and the FBI … but here is the TRUTH.

        And if you can face the truth now B, you can spare yourself a lifetime of disappointment and actually be happy for once.

        • Hello again Bobocefus Jones,

          This is not the first time – and I’m sure it won’t be the last – that I didn’t include any indication that I was being sarcastic and as a result was misunderstood.

          I watched that video a couple days ago. Here’s what it reiterated to me after having watched the FBI’s James Comey not suggest charges against Hillary Clinton: “Some people are above the law. We’re not saying that others won’t be prosecuted for doing the exact same things Hillary Clinton did – no, in fact far from it. The rest of you need to obey or you will be prosecuted. Deal with it, peons.”

          • Come on B … Comey was CYAing. And Elitists Democrats are above the law, or else you wouldn’t be embarrassing yourself in trying to protecting her. Clinton has dozens of dead bodies on her hands, from Vince Foster in D.C. to who knows how many in Arkansas.

            And with Hillary who has scandals dating from TRAVELGATE, WhiteWater, to Email, and Health Episodes … its all in the EYES.

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