There is a lot of advice for people in relationships. However, if you’re not in one and not looking to be involved with the messy human drama that is dating, sadly there is none. To remedy this, I decided to add some information that will end the pestering nonsense that is other peoples’ relationships.
The first scenario is the one where you’re trapped in the room with two monsters. Now, these monsters will present themselves as either overly affectionate or angrily screaming towards one another.
The first thing you need to do is check for an exit. The question that you need to be asking is: how far away is it, and how can I make it not look like they’re the reason I’m leaving?
Next, you need to develop an exit strategy. Pull out your phone and pretend that you’re sending a text message, but really set an alarm on your phone. Make sure that you use the same ring tone as your normal ringer, and then you need to turn the alarm off as soon as you open the phone. The last thing that you want is “Bulletproof” by La Roux to be playing in the background as you try to flee the scene.
Once you have the phone pressed against your face, you need to answer the phone like you’re talking to your boss and not your friend. Don’t give any information in your imaginary conversation, just walk out. Once you’ve made it outside, run (don’t walk) to your car.
If you happen to be at home, just sit outside with the phone pressed against your face, thinking about all of the different ways you could find people that have no hope of dating, and how you could make them your friend.
The next scenario is when you’re left alone with the boyfriend/girlfriend who was not your friend before the relationship started. There is no escaping this; you’re just going to have to dig your trench and sit in it.
The goal here is to get him/her talking about himself/herself as soon as possible…without using stupid questions that start with, “What’s your favorite…?”
The quickest way is to pay him or her a compliment that has nothing to do with his/her physical appearance (because that’s just creepy). And then ask a question from the information that they supply.
If this doesn’t work don’t pay them another compliment. Say your friend’s name and then, “told me,” then “you were really into .” Now, if your friend has told you nothing about him/her, take something that your friend is really into and say that.
If none of this works and you find yourself in the sinking pit that awkward silence always produces, embrace it; construct a story in your mind that involves that person. I like to place that person into murder mysteries. This style of story works great. If you go with comedy, you might laugh, and this is a bad way to end the silence.
In the end, there is no hope of avoiding being pulled into other people’s relationships. Your friends will ask you advice and want to include their significant other into other things.
But the best advice is to remember that this is not your relationship. The highs and lows of the relationship should have nothing to do with you being there. And try to remember that you are there to support your friend and to make the other person feel that they are welcomed in the life of their significant other.
