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Sunday, March 26, 2023

Fall Finals Edition

Final’s naughty list

‘Tis the season of sleep deprivation and memorization, of energy drinks and all-nighters, of wishing you had gone to class more often and actually listened. Ah, ‘tis the season of finals.

Without a doubt, the campus seems to change when the end of the semester is near. You catch your professors smiling as they walk to class thinking of new ways to destroy your GPA. There is also that faint aroma of coffee, Red Bull and junk food in the air. Worst of all is the downgrade of students’ appearances.

They say Houston only has two seasons: hot and hotter. The same could be said for the appearances of students at UH during finals, but the seasons would have to be hot and not so hot. Not only are the jeans and cute tops thrown to the back of the closet to be replaced by oversized hoodies and pajama bottoms, but students also transform into their vampire-like states.

Thanks to the lack of sleep and constant studying pale faces appear, dark circles form underneath blood-shot eyes and unwashed hair accompanying a constant cold sweat becomes the norm. Basically, the “Twilight” franchise could have saved piles of money by casting some UH students during finals week.

But do not fret — there is a way to break this spell that doesn’t involve a wooden stake. Below is a list of what not to do while studying for finals.

1. Don’t stay awake for two days straight. Not only does your brain start to shut off and lose its ability to retain information, but you start to look crazy. And it’s just rude to walk around campus scaring other people just before they walk into final exams.

2. Don’t be so strict with your studying that you leave no room for mental stress breaks. You have to let your freak flag fly every once in a while and this is especially important during finals. Play video games, watch a funny movie, karaoke or dance Gangnam style. Whatever you’re in to, just do it and take a break.

3. Don’t forget about hygiene. A good scrub down never hurt anyone. And while on the topic, No-Shave November is over. Yes, ladies that includes you. We all know why your legs haven’t seen the sunlight since Halloween. There is no need to have a disgusting December
because all that leads to is awkward Christmas gifts of deodorant and body spray.

4. Don’t think you can live off Diet Coke and Flaming Hot Cheetos for two weeks. Throw in some vegetables and fruit. Heck, go crazy and treat yourself to a full sit down meal. You’ll feel revitalized and ready to return to studying.

5. Don’t ignore the gym, especially since you probably ignored the previous paragraph. Run, rock climb, take a spin class or be one of those weird people who stare at themselves in the mirror while lifting weights and claim it’s to ensure good form — you’re not fooling anyone, buddy. Do anything and take advantage of those endorphins to power through the rest of your work.

6. Don’t be one of those people who talk only about what they are studying. First of all, this is because no one cares. Save your friends hours of half-smiles and head nodding to your insistent jabbering about chemicals, numbers, your essay or whatever. Just talk about anything else, please. It also allows you to get your brain off of your finals. It’s not a study break if all you talk about is studying. When in doubt, quote “Mean Girls.” Tina Fey’s humor is
universal. If your friends don’t agree, get new friends.

7. Don’t underestimate the power of a good laugh. I am talking about a laugh that makes you clap like a seal as tears stream down your face and no audible noise comes out. A laugh that doubles as an abs workout.

8. And finally, one “do.” Do actually study. It’s cute that you have color-coated note cards, brand-new highlighters and a firm grasp on what you have to get done, but none of this helps your final grade. Find out what style of studying works best for you — study groups or studying solo, music or silence, flashcards or continual reading — and stick with that.

You can thank The Daily Cougar for this later when your final grades are posted.


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