If you have yet to watch the finale of “Breaking Bad” … there are no words for your kind. For those who wholeheartedly believe time heals all wounds, I pity you. To those who are able to finish an incredible television series and move on with their life in a way that’s healthy and developmentally sound — I despise you.
For those seeking closure on the death of one of small-screen cinema’s most pathetic, diabolical and polarizing characters, take it from Albuquerque — you’re far from being alone.
As reported by Yahoo! News, a steakhouse in Albuquerque, New Mexico held a mock funeral for none other than Walter White, the infamous anti-hero and driving force of AMC’s “Breaking Bad.”
The ceremony, held on Saturday, commenced with a funeral procession, complete with a replica of White and his assistant Jesse Pinkman’s iconic Crystal Ship. The procession also included a hearse — after all, it wouldn’t be true “Breaking Bad” fashion to sensibly regard fictional characters as fictional and not bring them to life in whatever ways we conceivably, and ironically, could.
It’s worth noting, however, that White’s ceremony wasn’t simply a gathering for those still reeling from the post-finale blues. It collected nearly $17,000 for Healthcare for the Homeless, a charity in Albuquerque that caters to those suffering from addictions similar to White’s customers. Flyers for the ceremony read: “Walter White Funeral Service and Final Amends: Fictional Character — Real World Problems.”
The price of admission for the funeral was $20, according to CNN, and included a handful of earth to help lay to rest the methamphetamine kingpin.
“Breaking Bad”’s own set designer, Michael Flowers, delivered Walter White’s eulogy — one that was intended to be live-streamed to YouTube, but ultimately would have violated copyright infringement.
One can certainly imagine the direction that Flowers would’ve gone in, though. Perhaps he would’ve taken an evangelical, politically correct route, twisting White’s inventiveness and satanic cunning into mere manifestations of the great intellect God had bestowed upon him. Maybe, even, White’s supposedly intrinsic motivation to provide for his family served to mirror White’s role in a grander perspective: Walt was nothing more than a servant, bound both by his duty as a father and by his limits as a flawed man, unable to achieve the honorable deed he initially set out to accomplish.
Perhaps none of this would’ve happened, and a cemetery would’ve remained a cemetery, and my speculation on the subject would be confined to the limits of my personal diary instead of this all-too public article.
However, that’s not the world that we live in. In our world, awesome television characters are honored in a way that only seems appropriately awesome: by staging fake funerals for their fake deaths in places that have held countless funerals for real people.
White’s death, which revealed both the devotion and clinical insanity of the show’s fanatic legions, was received relatively well by critics and fans alike. Bryan Lowry, television critic and columnist on The Variety, claimed that the finale “perfectly capped a final arc that was all forward momentum, with barely an ounce of fat on it and almost nary a false note.”
White’s funeral, despite doubling as a charity function, did not elicited such a positive reaction.
“This is too much. I bring my family here to visit their grandpa and my wife to visit her dad … What’s going to happen come Christmas, come Thanksgiving, on those hard days for me and my family?” said resident Manuel Arenallo to KOAT, Albuquerque’s local news station.
“It’s hard to come when we miss my father-in-law so much. It’s going to be hard to see people over there decorating something for somebody that wasn’t real.”
CNN reported roughly 900 people as having signed an online petition demanding that Sunset Memorial Park remove White’s gravesite, which included a headstone that read: “Walter White: Beloved Husband, Father, Teacher & Entrepreneur.”
The cemetery honored the wishes of the protestors, issuing a statement that read, “”We are a cemetery first and foremost. Our allegiance lies with our families that have allowed us to bury their loved ones here.”
With that, White’s gravesite was removed. The whereabouts of his headstone are currently unknown, and what was inevitably to become a shrine for White has returned to a place of reflection and tranquility in the name of people that once inhabited the Earth. It’s almost as if Walter White had never existed.
Almost.
Opinion columnist Cara Smith is a communications junior and may be reached at [email protected]
