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Thursday, June 8, 2023


Staff editorial: Letter to Green Wave from The Cougar Editorial Board

Dear Green Wave,

Don’t you know cats love water? Maybe not the cats you’ve heard of — the domesticated, declawed, defanged ones that use litter boxes.

We’re talking about big cats, game cats — tigers, lions, Cougars. Cougars can’t get enough of water, and there’s one Cougar in Houston that’s been restless.

His name is Shasta, and he’s been gearing up for the takedown of one particularly pigmented body of water.

This brings us to our next concern — Green Wave? Are we saying that correctly? Why green?

We’re sure there are plenty of other more attractive colors you could’ve chosen for your water color. We guess labeling yourself as a green wave makes sense, though – you guys must be constantly green with envy at what UH is doing.

We get it. No hard feelings, liquid.

Now, the real issue here is our Homecoming game. By the 2014 unofficial football handbook, you guys are encouraged to just hand us the game. The Cougars would win the game regardless, even if you were trying, so why not just go ahead and make things easier for yourself?

Either way, we both know who the winner’s going to be. What’s the use in getting bruised up in the process?

So what exactly would the Tulane Green Wave want with the Houston Cougars anyways? Last time I checked, water was an inanimate object.

Unless you’re in cahoots with Aquaman and the Green Wave is actually sea creatures, how exactly did you even plan on getting to Houston? We are expecting some rain this week, so I guess we’ll have a couple of buckets ready to catch you on the way down.

Our students are pretty excited to see you — once you enter the Bayou City, our students are ready to surf you all the way to the stadium on some of the stray Tier One signs lying around campus.

It’s just better for all of us if you let our fans lead you into the stadium — we wouldn’t want you getting distracted by all of the world-class dining and entertainment our city is packed with.

Lord knows you’re in need of that — y’know, by being stuck in a place that serves gumbo, po-boys and more gumbo (For the record, you can buy Café Du Monde beignet mix in Houston).

Best of luck, and Go Coogs,

The Cougar Editorial Board

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