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Thursday, December 9, 2021


Satire: Donald Trump announces plan to create Death Star


Trump’s plans for the new Death Star will cost around $8.1 quadrillion and will take at least 200 years to complete. | Courtesy of wikimedia Commons

Republican presidential candidate and billionaire mogul Donald J. Trump has announced a brilliant plan to prevent illegal aliens and terrorists posing as refugees from entering the United States of America: a Death Star.

“The plan is really simple, and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before,” said Trump. “We blow up the Earth, so that no terrorists or illegals can infiltrate the United States. We will have huge peace, and there will be little to no conflict left in the world. We will tell those terrorists: ‘You’re fired.’”

While many critics denounce his plan as just another method that will be used to recruit more terrorists against the United States, his supporters at UH praise it as the right action to take.

“I think what he’s doing is bold and decisive,” said marine biology major Dustin McRichardson. “How else are we supposed to attack the terrorists and anybody else who has the potential to hurt our country? It doesn’t matter if the world is gone because the liberals are already destroying it anyway.”

Some critics contend that there are fundamental flaws in his plan. Many are saying the Death Star has been proven in the past to have technical weaknesses that can be exploited. These critics include former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

“I admire Mr. Trump’s new idea to combat terrorism and keep our country safe,” said Clinton. “But, I do not agree with his method because there are several flaws in this plan that could lead to the Death Star’s destruction.”

There are fringe critics, like Sen. Bernie Sanders, who believe the whole idea is insane and dangerous to the well-being of the country.

“Mr. Trump is literally calling for the destruction of the world as we know it,” said Sanders. “This is exactly what the terrorists want. It’s a trap.”

When faced with these criticisms, Trump only belittled the candidates by calling them part of the Rebel Alliance and traitors.

Regardless of what these critics believe, Trump’s plan is a call to action to destroy the enemies of the United States once and for all.

I, for one, believe it is about time a candidate was so unfiltered in what he says that he announces such a plan. Trump’s logic is sound. We must be willing to sacrifice our liberties for security. If we can save the country from being destroyed by terrorists by destroying it ourselves, then who really wins?

With nothing to terrorize, what is there left to do for the terrorists? America wins, the terrorists lose.

Opinion columnist Samuel Pichowsky is a political science sophomore and may be reached at [email protected]

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