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Tuesday, November 30, 2021


Satire: Sprinkles of rain cause city-wide panic

At precisely 6 a.m. Wednesday morning, a faculty member of the University of Houston sent a weather warning to the students on campus after feeling a single drop of rain on his head.

The faculty member could hardly forget a single detail about the incident that drove him to warn students on campus for the rest of the day.

“I was just standing outside looking at my phone waiting for my day to start when suddenly I felt a soft drop in my hair,” said faculty member Louis DaClulous. “After examining the dark clouds in the distance I was able to quickly determine that there would be severe thunderstorms throughout the day. Lucky I caught it when I did.”

DaClulous chose to do the right thing in warning students and the rest of campus to be cautious of extreme weather conditions for the rest of the day. What followed the warning was a day consumed by the worst kind of weather: drowsy weather.

The skies were carpeted with grey clouds and light sprinkles throughout the morning and afternoon. Students could not escape the depressing excuse for a weather warning. Some students even skipped class in order to escape the wrath of the weather.

“I had three classes scheduled today, but I decided to stay home because I heard the weather was going to be terrifying,” said astrology sophomore Melissa Destiny. “I just hope the students that did go to class made it safely without getting too drenched.”

Destiny was right in trusting her instincts instead of risking the chance of having her hair get sort of wet. Missing three classes is a small price to pay for dampness in the hair.

As for other students who actually showed up to class, I pray that they were able to make it safely to their respective buildings without incident. It’s not ridiculous at all to be prepared for such extreme weather. Wearing a rain poncho will not make you look foolish at all during a dark cloudy day. I know because I was that guy wearing a rain poncho. The only guy wearing a rain poncho. The only one who was prepared for the severity of the weather.

Watch the skies, fellow Cougars.

Opinion columnist Samuel Pichowsky is a political science sophomore and may be reached at [email protected]

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