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Friday, January 15, 2021

Opinion

Satire: Trump chooses himself as running mate


Tamor-Khan-5_13_2016

Trump speaking to the people|Tamor Khan/The Cougar

In an unprecedented move, Donald Trump chose himself as his own running mate in the upcoming presidential election.

During a six-hour interview that was completely dedicated to the mogul, Anderson Cooper sat down with the presumptive GOP nominee and discussed this “huge” news.

After consulting his usual advisers, which included a priest, Tom Brady and Chris Christie, Trump decided that the sole true choice for vice president could only be himself.

“Honestly I took a look around and really couldn’t find any one as special as me,” said Trump. “Really, Coop, my people took a hard look at some really good guys but we couldn’t decide and then there was only one obvious choice. Me.”

After the “AC360” host shrugged off the original announcement as an attempt to rattle the media, Trump reiterated his sentiments.

“I’m telling you, I talked to some very important people in some very high places in politics and they told me not to choose any of those Washington clowns,” Trump said. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I mean clown in the nicest sense of the word. You know some of the nicest people I know are clowns, don’t you? Yes, yes, Ivanka introduced me. A very nice, very gracious people those clowns. Fascinating. Anyway, yes it has to be me.”

When asked about the legality of his actions, Trump reminded Cooper his popularity among the American people.

“Cooper, listen to me, because I am only going to say this once: They love me,” Trump said. “No really, I’m telling you they love me.  The Hispanics, the Asians, the blacks and even the Jews. They all absolutely love me. Trust me I know we can figure it out from there.”

There is no explaining what Trump is trying to pull with his latest antics, but with around-the-clock cable news a reaction from House Speaker Paul Ryan was recorded.

“That’s it, I quit,” Ryan said. “Yup, my family and I will be denouncing our citizenship and moving to Canada. It’s over America.”

Ryan was later seen at a gas station outside the Canadian border, sporting a five o’clock shadow and smiling from ear to ear.

With Ryan fleeing the country, who will the GOP turn to for a last ditch effort at the nomination? The chances are high for Mitt Romney making this kind of spectacular entrance and placing his name in the running.

Until then, time will tell if Trump’s latest move will be a political suicide or make him even more popular among his supporters and haters.

Opinion editor Frank Campos is a media production senior and may be reached at [email protected]

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