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Saturday, December 4, 2021


SATIRE: Sanders just can’t let go

It has now been 734 days since Bernie Sanders began his campaign for the Democratic nomination.

Although President Hillary Clinton and Vice President Julian Castro have already taken office three months ago, the senator from Vermont is refusing to end the race even when it has, in fact, ended.

Sanders and his supporters have not stopped holding rallies to continue the political revolution that started more than two years ago.

Hollywood figures Rosario Dawson, Mark Ruffalo, and Susan Sarandon gave speeches at Sanders’ most recent rally, condemning the media for declaring a victory when they clearly had the people’s support and the grit of Bernie on their side.

“Don’t worry folks, I ain’t going anywhere!” Sanders said to the crowd. “The country has counted us out but guess what? They don’t have a revolution behind them!”

The crowd again came out in droves — over 4,000 joined Sanders during this rally.

“People have given up on us and told me to quit. Former colleagues, the media, my wife, son, psychiatrist — they have told me to give up!” Sanders said. “You know what I say to that? No! That’s right, non-believers! It ain’t over ’til I say its over!”

Many have questioned how Bernie has kept up his campaign for so long despite there already being an actual president for the next four years.

Jerry Seinfeld said he will stick with Sanders because, as a supporter, he knew the senator will win the nomination.

“This race is nowhere near over and we need to stop letting the media tell us how to think.” Seinfeld said, the crowd roaring behind him. “Trump is not the problem, Hillary and her money are the problem. We can defeat her before the election!”

Participants of the “Sanders Revolution” have obviously become brainwashed. They might also be living in some alternate reality generated through the power of thousands of supporters and one tough old man.

Even though his supporters have received Heaven’s Gate status, Sanders continues to collect donations from people across the nation.

“We aren’t backed by Wall Street and the one percent like Clinton,” Sanders said. “As you all know, our donations average only $27 each, and yet we are still able to continue campaigning. I will be here until the next election to claim the Democratic nomination and presidency!”

Sanders camp has yet to inform him that Clinton will be running against a Republican in the next election.

Frank Campos is a media production senior and can be reached at [email protected]

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