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Fighting Words

THE ISSUE: Who is most responsible for the horrible season the Astros are having: Tim Purpura, Phil Garner or Drayton McLane?

It’s all McLane’s fault

Casey Wooten

Trying to place the blame for the Astros’ dismal season so far is like trying to judge a popularity contest Ted Bundy, Joseph Stalin and Hitler. It’s slim pickins’.

But if I had to take a shot at it I would say McLane. He’s the owner; the buck is supposed to stop with him and the billions of other bucks he’s got stashed away.

By the way, McLane’s so rich because he sold his father’s trucking company to Sam Walton, his tennis partner, in 1990. That’s Wal-Mart money, baby, $800 million dollars according to wikipedia.com, the most accurate source for journalists of all time.

In the end, the final decisions stop with the man in the corner office of the old Union Station , and that includes trades.

Unfortunately, you can’t get rid of the man in charge, so the next in the line of fire would be Purpura, the other half of the Astros’ "underdeveloped" brain.

Grade: B+

Purpura makes Isaiah Thomas look smart

Eric Llobet

There is no doubt that all three of these guys suck, but Tim Purpura is definitely the culprit here. His ‘mastermind’ move this past offseason was trading Willy Tavares and Jason Hirsch for Jason Jennings. Hirsh was our top pitching prospect from Class AAA Round Rock and Willy T., was just developing into a great all-around player (he is currently batting .324 for the Rockies), knowing it would leave a gaping hole in the outfield, which it did.

After losing Andy Pettite to the Yankees, Purpura’s Plan B was to sign Woody Williams. Williams and Jennings, the replacements for Petitte and Roger Clemens, have a combined 5-17 record midway through the season. Plus, for next season, the Astros will be paying roughly $55 million for three players (Carlos Lee, Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt) leaving little left for future free agents. Someone please tell Purpura how much he sucks at life.

Grade: A-

Garner is simply dumb. Period

Nigel Cunningsworth

You guys are all wrong. It’s Phil Garner’s fault, I tell ya. That dude couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag.

I’ve sat quietly over the last few years and watched "Scrap Heap" choke the life out of the Astros. Every move he makes gets my blood boiling. He doesn’t know how to correctly manage a bullpen, he leaves some starters in way too long, he keeps on playing no-account bums like Morgan Ensberg and Trevor Miller on a regular basis.

It’s time for the Astros to move in a different direction, and to get there fast. Garner gave the Astros a spark during their magical playoff runs in 2004 and ’05, but that flame has been long extinguished. Time to ship him out.

Shoot, I don’t know how to manage a major-league baseball team, but I can probably do a better job than "Scrap Heap" has done.

Grade: B

What the heck am I doing here?

Silent Assassin

This space is usually reserved for my partner-in-crime Judge Dredd, but since he’s not available, I’m going to do my best impression of him.

Let’s face it: The Astros are a horrible team. But does the primary responsibility for this mess fall on Drayton McLane, Tim Purpura or Phil Garner? Personally, equal blame should fall to all three.

By trimming the payroll from more than $100 million to $88 million this season, McLane prevented the team from signing worthwhile free agents, with the exception of Carlos Lee. Because of that, Purpura was forced to make desperation moves (the trade for Jason Jennings and signing of Woody Williams) and pray that it worked. News flash: It didn’t.

But as Eric mentioned, the Jennings trade hasn’t helped the Astros. And Purpura hasn’t made many other moves to improve the team. Therefore, he’s the chief culprit and Eric is the winner of this edition of Fighting Words.

FACETIME

Go Dynamos!!! The only team properly reppin’ Screwston

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