Imagine you are the leader of the United Kingdom during World War II. Millions of persecuted and oppressed Jews are fleeing Europe. After economically exploiting and occupying most of the world under the banner of white-man’s burden, you obviously can’t have these other people live in your land, right? So where do you settle them?This is where Chaim Weizmann, former president of the World Zionist Organization, comes in and asks, "How about relocating my people to the land of the most epic and religiously controversial sites? After facing the Holocaust, immense oppression and persecution, I want you to put us next to the Arabs please. Thanks."
Just a thought, but perhaps that wasn’t the best of ideas. However, Israel today continues to draw inspiration from Weizmann’s clairvoyant wisdom: it has established draconic laws and ministries with which the Israeli government takes over all suspected archaeological sites, even if they are in your own backyard.
Critics find this policy an easy victim for their accusations that the Israeli government tries to bury any evidence contrary to its official position – pun intended. Regardless of the veracity of these charges, it’s probably not the wisest of choices, given the feelings of unbridled hatred on both sides and the extremely explosive political environment. Barring my support for the continued existence and prosperity of Israel, these sorts of policies compel me to mention it alongside another country we Americans share intense feelings about: France. I apologize for this low blow to all my Zionist friends.
After establishing the template for the Bolshevik revolution in Russia, the Islamic revolution in Iran and the modern definition of terrorism, France doesn’t disappoint our expectations of setting fascinating precedents. In the name of secularism, France banned the display of all religious symbols in the public in 2004, deeming them inherently offensive. The parallels with their diametric opposites in Saudi Arabia that have shackled all women in shuttlecock headscarves are the height of irony at an international level.
However, what’s truly shocking is the fact that the entire French language is regulated by a highly selective group. Not only does it issue advisories on what is proper French, the way our USDA does on proper diets, it has large discretionary powers, too. The officials’ hatred for the English language is particular; they have banned the use of words such as weekend, drugstore, brainstorming and countdown. I found the notion of using the term "Freedom Fries" both childish and ridiculous at first, but now I think we should even consider chucking the Statue of Liberty back to them. Let’s just airdrop it outside Paris.
In Pakistan, a 15-year-old suicide bomber was caught a couple of weeks ago. He said he was trained for attacks against Benazir Bhutto’s party, the Pakistan Peoples Party, whose new chairman is her 19-year-old son Bilawal Zardari. The British educated multi-millionaire cosmopolitan child – a true democratic champion of the ultra-conservative and destitute rural villagers of Pakistan – must have succumbed to his adolescent issues, crying, "Nobody loves me anymore. And I am never inviting any 15-year-old to my parties ever. Never-ever again!" Somebody please give him a hug. Am I the only one noticing the generational gap between him and our buddy Pervez Musharraf, the president of Pakistan? Is there no one between them that could take charge of that state or even its opposition?
And finally, Turkmenistan lifted an odd ban on certain public entertainments. President Saparmurat Niyazov, who had established a personalistic dictatorship, had banned the opera, circus and ballet. He called all three of them "alien" to Turkmen culture, Reuters reported. Seven years later, the ban was lifted after his abrupt death, yet it took his successor two years to get around to it. Red tape issues, no doubt.
The international world is an awesome arena of chaotic and often amusing policies. It’s hard to make head or tails of most of it, but that’s not to say we cannot understand the how or the why. In fact, it’s important to analyze all political events to gain understanding and hence better formulate policies to deal with the seemingly insane world. But at times like these, it’s better to just sit back, relax and laugh a little.
Ahmad, a political science senior, can be reached via [email protected]
