In defense of ACORN’s intentions

What has this country become? How have we strayed so far from our founding principles? Why have we allowed our fundamental rights be torn asunder in just two short centuries?

I shudder to think how completely irreparable this experiment called the United States will be if we don’t alter our present course. We simply cannot abide living in a country in which a prostitute and her pimp cannot freely engage in illegal activities, including importing 13-year-old Salvadoran girls for use as underage prostitutes. This simply cannot stand. ‘

Luckily, your friendly neighborhood ACORN office has taken steps to ensure that pimps and prostitutes, including those of the underage illegal immigrant variety, can work and thrive in this great land. From Baltimore to San Diego, community organizers have been diligently working to furnish their communities with the ever-important services these escorts could provide.

How can these great entrepreneurs run businesses that give ‘happy endings’ and semi-professional massages to clients without homes in which to maintain the privacy these endeavors require? Imagine the contributions these hookers will bestow on the community and local economy ‘- revenue that would be lost if not for ACORN.

ACORN was only trying to help the community. Its only sin was attempting to facilitate a prostitute’s attempt to defraud the U.S. government by claiming she was a ‘performance artist’ in order to get a housing loan. Apparently this doesn’t sit well with the do-gooders in Washington who have begun to cut off funding from this benevolent organization.

First, the House of Representatives voted to cut off ACORN’s public funding, and then the Census Bureau broke all ties with the organization. This leads me to ask, what happened to ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?” Hookers make some people happy. Just ask Republican U.S. Senator David Vitter.

These unscrupulous right-wing nut jobs caught ACORN workers advising on how to commit various crimes in five locations, but it was for the benefit of the poor. Shouldn’t that count for something?

There have also been problems with voter fraud, but I must remind readers that over 30 people in different states actively skirting the law while benefitting from taxpayer dollars does not make a criminal organization.

Now the Justice Department is launching an internal review about its dealings with ACORN. This shouldn’t be a problem though, seeing as this is the same Justice Department that dropped charges on a group of New Black Panther Party members who were intimidating voters with nightsticks in Philadelphia last year even though the crime was caught on video. This Justice Department, led by Eric Holder, knows just how vital it is for some laws to be broken in the name of social justice. Hopefully, with Holder as an ally, no harm will come to ACORN. ‘

Investigations will come, and in the end, I’m sure some people will have to move on. The culprits caught on video have already been fired, so why the witch hunt? In the end, ACORN may have to change its name or generate new streams of revenue but its mission will continue. We must continue to provide a safe working environment for underage illegal immigrant prostitutes for the benefit of the entire community. It’s the only American thing to do.

Timothy Mathis is a history junior and may be reached at [email protected]

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