Stop worrying about the satanic sculpture, UH has bigger problems

Recently, the University unveiled a new sculpture at the Cullen Fountain and Reflection pool that’s stirred significant controversy. Its uniquely twisted appearance, ram horns and pro-choice message have led some to call for the “satanic” sculpture’s removal. But if we’re being honest, is worrying about a weird looking art piece the best use of students’ energy?

To be fair, some of the people complaining about the sculpture make valid points.

Is the sculpture ugly? A little bit, yes. Does the ominous monument to the old gods make it hard to get in the mood when you’re laying in the grass all romantic with your boo thang? Probably.

But is it secretly a power conduit meant to siphon energy from students for some kind of dark ritual? Well, the Cougar unfortunately doesn’t have any supernatural experts on the editorial board, so it’s hard to say for sure. One thing we can say with reasonable certainty, though, is that worrying about it is more or less a waste of everyone’s time.

Putting the “Satanic Panic” handwringing aside, many students seem to have an issue with the statue because it “looks ugly” and “kills the campus vibe.” But let’s be real for a bit. Was the University campus really all that great before the statue showed up?

Don’t get me wrong, UH has one of the most interesting campuses in the Lone Star state. Where else can you find boxy brick buildings straight out of the USSR nestled next to the passion projects of architects that did all of their work while coked up off that pure 1970s blow?

If that doesn’t strike your fancy, maybe you would prefer the wonderfully constricting, almost Alcatraz-like feeling that you can only get by watching a romantic sunset through the prison fencing around Agnes Arnold.

Or if you’re more of an adventurous spirit, consider frolicking with your pals in one of many active construction sites scattered around the University. Who knows, you might be lucky enough to end up in one of those LiveLeak construction accident videos. Something like “Clueless UH students watch their friend get painfully crushed by falling I-beam.” Talk about going viral!

“But wait,” you might say, “Those are all architecture examples, sculptures are completely different!” First of all, this is an opinion column, not a public forum, so please save your suggestions for poorly thought out Reddit comments. More to the point, however, have you seen the sculptures we already have on campus?

UH is already littered with bizarre figures and twisted metal hunks that all claim to bear some kind of profound message beyond just “this artist had way too much time on their hands.” Really, there is nothing that so essentially sums up the University experience like being completely faded off an edible late at night, staring up at the three tall metal gentlemen striding across the road near Valenti and wondering whether college is really for you or if your parents were right after all.

The University’s latest attempt at “enriching the campus” is hardly anything new. It’s ugly, twisted and confusing, but isn’t that what life is like sometimes? On a good day, sure, it kind of kills the vibe. But college isn’t all sunshine and roses, and you’re likely to have more than a few nights where you feel like the Universe is cruel and meaningless.

Maybe the sculpture isn’t there for the good days. Maybe it’s meant to be looked at after you’ve flunked another O-chem test and aren’t sure if you really have what it takes to be a doctor, or after you’ve been pacing campus for hours because you just got broken up with and you thought they were the one.

So consider taking another glance at our strange little demonic friend. Perhaps when its seen through eyes that have cried all the tears possible or touched with hands shaking uncontrollably, it might just provide a comfort that’s just as strange as the rest of this University.

Malachi Key is a Journalism senior who can be reached at [email protected].