Lily Huynh/ The Cougar
The scary part about college is the idea that the first few weeks are the catalyst for the rest of the time we’re here. We think that the friends we do (or don’t) make are final, and if you aren’t lucky, get used to eating lunch alone and going straight home from class.
College is lonely in many ways; it’s the first time you’re away from your family, your high school friends are doing their own thing and you start to realize that you’re on your own now. It’s an awkward and scary transition that, in the moment, feels permanent.
This is a common feeling for freshmen, even if nobody wants to admit it out loud. Everyone walks around acting confident, like they already found their people and know exactly where they belong, when in reality, most students are just as lost and overwhelmed as everyone else.
The illusion of belonging
The truth is that college friendships rarely happen overnight. The people who eventually become your closest friends often start as random classmates, roommates or people you awkwardly sit next to at an event you almost skipped. Some of the best relationships come from the moments that feel uncomfortable at first.
It’s easy to believe that everyone else has college figured out before you do, but most people are learning as they go. Eventually, the campus that once felt intimidating starts to feel familiar, and the loneliness that felt permanent slowly fades into routine, friendship and memories you didn’t expect to make.
Social media only makes the pressure worse. You’ll scroll through Instagram and see everyone posting huge groups of friends during the first few weeks of school, going out and seeming like they’re having the time of their lives.
It creates the illusion that everyone around you instantly found where they belong. What those posts don’t show are the awkward silences, homesick nights and moments when people question whether they actually fit in at all.
Getting comfortable being uncomfortable
There’s an unspoken expectation in college that your social life should fall into place immediately. If you aren’t constantly going out, meeting people or building a friend group right away, it can feel like you’re somehow failing at the “college experience.” In reality, meaningful friendships usually take time to build.
Some people find their closest friends in their freshman year. Others don’t meet them until junior year, through a random class, a job or a conversation that almost never happened. College has a way of making people feel behind when, in reality, there is no timeline for belonging.
So, how do you get to that point? Where the campus isn’t as scary, and the people seem more approachable.
Honestly, and I know it sounds cliché, but you have to put yourself out there, get out of your dorm and don’t try to go straight to your car after class. Remember, everyone else is also looking for friends, so they’re not likely to swat you away if you ask to sit with them in the student center.
I remember a conversation I had with my mom after the first few months of college. I was crying, and I kept telling her about how lonely I felt. Everyone had friends and seemed to be enjoying their college experience, but for some reason, I didn’t seem to fit in.
Then my mom asked me, “Well, are you actually going to things, or trying to make friends? You know they won’t just come to you; you have to put in the work for it.”
The hardest part is shaking off that awkward feeling; it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also part of growing up.
There is no perfect timeline for friendship, belonging or having the “ideal” college experience. Most people are just figuring it out as they go, and chances are, the person sitting alone next to you is hoping someone starts a conversation, too.
Opinion@thedailycougar.com
