If you’re stuck behind a group of Sunday slow-walkers on campus, try your best to get around them by cutting corners and increasing your pace. If that doesn’t work and you end up stuck in the middle of the crowd, politely push your way out and ahead of the group. | Photos.com
Part of being a college student — and part of being human — is that you are required to move from place to place. Since humans are bipedal, this is traditionally done through a complex motor movement commonly referred to as “walking.”
When you gather several thousand bipedal-walkers together into a small area of land such as a college campus, there are bound to be some problems. One of the great things about walking is that you don’t have to think about it while you’re doing it — it just happens.
The problem with this is that we are generally not paying attention to our movement. This causes us to make all kinds of horrible decisions that make walking more difficult for the people around us. Here are some campus walking issues and some tips on how you can overcome them.
“Pick up the pace, man”
Slow walkers are an issue. I can’t tell you how many times I am running late to class and find a slow walker in front of me.
If I am on a large sidewalk, I can usually just walk around them and solve the problem. However, if I am on a small sidewalk, like one leading from a parking lot, I am forced to figure out how I can walk around them without looking like an ass. I have discovered that the best way to get around slow walkers is to compliment them. Here’s how this works.
Pick out an article of clothing that they are wearing to compliment. It could be a pair of shoes that are an unusual color, a watch or a shirt. It doesn’t even have to be something that is interesting or stylish — you just have to convince them that it is.
Once you have selected something, yell out “Hey! I like your (insert item here).”
Normally, the person will stop to look down at whatever you complimented them on and you will have time to pass them while they are thanking you for the compliment.
Misery loves company
People who walk in groups are another problem, especially if they are all slow walkers. My tip for getting past slow walkers doesn’t work on groups of slow walkers because you can’t compliment all of them at the same time — they would see past your ruse.
Getting past a group of slow walkers requires careful planning. If you see that the group is approaching a turn in the sidewalk you should speed up and cut the corner. This will, in an ideal world, place you in front of the group. The only setback of this approach is that it could place you inside the group of walkers if you underestimate their trajectory. This is extremely awkward, and unfortunately, it happens. If you find yourself in this situation, just say excuse me, and push your way out of the group immediately.
Slide to the right
Another problem is what I have heard referred to as Parallel Synchronized Randomness (PSR). This happens when you are walking in the opposite direction of someone directly in front of you and you run into each other.
Sometimes when this occurs, you and the other person will keep overcorrecting until you get stuck in a weird sort of loop. There is a simple way to get out of this — step to the right.
If everyone stepped to the right when they walked into another person, we could get rid of the whole awkward PRS phenomenon forever. We should learn this in kindergarten — just imagine all of the times you have experienced PSR and the awkwardness you’ve had to suffer. Let’s end PSR forever by all agreeing to step to the right whenever we walk into other people.
Think before you speak
Greetings are another problem. I hate it when I see someone I know on campus and they say hello to me and ask me how I am. By the time I answer they are usually already behind me.
This means I end up screaming out “Well! How are you?” to an empty space in front of me. This probably makes me look a bit crazy, and it’s actually a huge pet peeve of mine.
When you pass someone on campus and you say, “Hey. How are you,” you should expect an answer from them. If you say this to someone you know, but you don’t want to stop for a couple of minutes to hear their response, then don’t say it. Instead, just tell them hello and smile.
When you are walking on campus also remember to walk on the right side of the sidewalk. It’s just like driving. If you were driving down a road, would you suddenly come to a screeching halt to send a text message or greet a friend? I’m assuming — and hoping — the answer is no, so don’t do this on a sidewalk either. Just like driving, if you are going to come to a complete stop, just work your way over to the side.
Sound like the freeway traffic…too bad I can't push them foward.lol
do you really think it was worth publishing this?
i mean Really???
they aren't paying you guys enough.
unless you get paid anything in which case it's way too much.
This is probably the most on-point article the Cougar has ever written.
If you want to walk slow, walk on the grass, walk on the street – walk on a treadmill. Just get the hell out of my way.
I will also say that UH has – bar none – the rudest campus I've ever attended. The 'headphones stare' is common, but that's not really what I am complaining about. As a matter of upbringing and pride, I always try to greet people I am passing and favor them with a smile. Invariably at UH, this involves being ignored. For the reasons Mr. Renfrow cited in the article, I *never* ask people how they are doing – but it's simply the right thing to do to greet everyone you meet, and show them the respect they deserve as a fellow human being. Ignoring everyone you pass is a sign of self-absorption bordering on narcissism. It is literally not possible you are all having 'that bad a day' at the same time. Pick your chin up and SMILE at the people you meet! Make UH's campus FRIENDLY and not just crowded.
…and the most hypocritical students!
Thanks, I needed a laugh.
and the most paranoid students!
they're all laughing at you, mike. can't you hear them laughing?
Part of the problem is the campus layout is particularly bad.
Maybe a third to a half of the campus's population on any given day is funneled along that sidewalk that runs from the UC past the library, by that big tree. And to make matters worse that sidewalk has several trash cans placed on it, making the walking space about two people wide.
Let jump back to reality people. There are social and unsocial people. The behavior is mental, culture or family upbringing. Some people think they are higher level in social class so you might not get a friendly gesture. Those people are a fool and idiots so they deserved nothing. I can't greet every single people so please don't get mad at me. If they block the flow of traffic…just nicely tell them to move over to the side.
i walk to class twice a week and i've never run an emotional gauntlet like renfrow's. maybe i just have less repressed rage and emotional baggage!
If I were in charge, I would make everyone walk 3 miles per hour, on the right side of the sidewalk, without stopping or talking to anybody. All the time. Every time.