There exists, in out-of-the-way bars and small stages scattered throughout major cities in the United States, a competition more supremely demanding and technically rigorous than perhaps any other in existence.
The athletes are as passionate and as relentlessly critical of themselves as any in professional sports. The competition is air guitar and the competitors are air guitarists, half-athlete, half-performance-artist, all entertainer.
Every year, U.S. Air Guitar hosts a competition to determine the national air guitar champion- the man or woman who has exceeded above all others in the field of guitar-centered pantomime and who will proudly represent the U.S. in the World Air Guitar Championship in Oulu, Finland.
Yes, air guitar is a sport, replete with rules, judges and a scoring system borrowed from figure skating. The lead-up to the national competition consists of 25 regional competitions, one of which took place June 13 at Houston’s Warehouse Live.
The field consisted of 12 contestants, some of whom had clearly signed up in advance and meticulously prepared both their outfits and routines. Others were bullied onto the stage by drunken friends, a hodgepodge of diverse and sundry characters looking like they had been culled from a Guitar Hero game, or maybe a World Series of Poker Main Event table.
There was Brock McRock, a portly and unabashedly shirtless rocker in a star-covered cape with vampire-toothed Tiggers protruding from either shoulder; Spank, clad in nothing but an open button-down shirt and tight, unforgivably revealing spandex; Mister Funkyrussellaman, a wild-card contestant so drunk that, when asked for his stage name, gave a slurring portmanteau of ‘funky,’ his name ‘Russell,’ and ‘man.’
These and many others all gathered with the purpose of crafting the most truly awesome and face-melting performance in Houston to take home the regional crown, as well as a plane ticket to Washington D.C., the site of the national competition – and perhaps the next stop on a path to greater fame and glory.
Founded in 2003, the goal of the U.S. Air Guitar competition, according to the organization’s Web site, is to take ‘our nation’s unofficial pastime out of the bedroom’ and put it on stage. Blossoming in six years from an underground movement to a well-publicized nationwide spectacle, the competitors in the U.S. Air Guitar Championship have been featured in Time Magazine, on MSNBC and even the BBC.
In attendance Saturday was Hot Lixx Hulahan, the reigning two-time World Champion of Air Guitar. He, along with Bj’ouml;rn T’uuml;r’ouml;que, author of To Air is Human: One Man’s Quest to Become the World’s Greatest Air Guitarist, emceed the Houston Regional Qualifier, drawing on their dry wit and self-deprecating congeniality in an attempt to hold the attention of the rowdy crowd, most of whom were nearly as drunk as Striker, the third emcee and judge.
The real story of the night was that, for only the second time this year, a ‘wild card’ contestant took home the crown. The victor was an enthusiastic and breathless young woman who was urged onto the stage during a lull between scheduled competitors. She vacillated back and forth between ‘Mojo Jojo’ and ‘Mojo Gogo’ as stage names, depending on her level of inebriation.
‘It took about five beers just to do it,’ Mojo said wearily after her second performance of Guns N’ Roses’ ‘Paradise City’ earned her a ticket to compete against the nation’s best in Washington, D.C.
‘It feels ridiculous. It feels more surreal than anything else,’ Mojo said.
But, surrealism aside, Mojo may be the best hope that America has against the field of international competition in Finland.
That is in the future. For now, she is content to relax in the post-performance glow, reflecting on her virtuoso performance and the kudos flowing in from her audience and fellow contestants alike.
