The truth of the matter is we all know very little about relationships. For over a year, I’ve done my best in this column to share the small amount of knowledge that I have about the subject. Most of my advice lives somewhere in the arena of “things that you should have known already.”
First, once you break up with someone, stay broken up. And second, Always wear a condom. Among my more asinine snippets that I was going to offer you was to never date someone who is taking the same class and never plan to take a class with someone you’re dating.
The only reason that I came up with this bad dating idea was because it’s considerably harder to get class notes from someone who is now your ex.
I tried to come up with other reasons not to date people in your classes, but then decided that in a lot of ways, dating someone who is in your class could be a good idea. The added stress of trying not to appear stupid in class to a girlfriend got me an A in the class. That class was Health and Fitness, and I think that I would have done the same regardless, but part of me knows that I would have put off a majority of the assignments to the bitter end had I not been trying to look good to a girl.
I like appearing smart to people I date. However, there were times this only made me appear even dumber. Most of my knowledge is a conglomeration of things that I learned from pop culture. That’s never helped me win an argument when it comes to things like politics (I don’t really vote on the key issues).
One subject that I do know a considerable amount about is how to remain single. I’m not a fan of being single; I just think that it can be as fun as being in a relationship. There seems to be a lot less stress.
To that end, I would like to take the first few weeks of this semester to redirect this column and talk about how to do things better single. The first (and easiest) piece of advice is how not to date.
There is a lot of pressure when it comes to dating. Your mom might tell you about a dream she had where you die alone. This is enough to make anyone go to a movie with Swamp Thing and share a bag of popcorn.
But when all things are said and done, you have to show some initiative to get asked out on a date. The simplest way to avoid dating is not to show any interest at all. For guys, simply don’t ask a girl out.
For ladies who generally get asked out, it’s a bit harder. Perhaps you could give mixed signals. I really only like to ask girls out when there is some possibility of them saying yes. How do you give mixed signals without appearing mean? Just be flaky. A little flakiness will make anyone run.
The only guaranteed way to remain single is to bring a friend along who has an opinion about everything. This type of friend is simple to spot. Just ask two simple questions: How do you think the president is doing? What do you think about the band Nickelback?
If it seems each answer is a little bit too well-thought-out then you’ve got your friend who is going to have a 20-minute conversation on whatever little thing that person brings up.
Now that I have discussed how to remain single, I will start next week by explaining how to go to the movies by yourself and not feel creepy.
