On Jan. 7, the New York Times published an article claiming that technology, particularly Skype, has revolutionized long-distance relationships, yet there is still debate whether long-distance relationships are emotionally healthy for incoming University freshmen.
Given that long-distance relationships are tough, they have the potential to hinder college experiences, and thus many people feel that starting fresh after high school is a smarter decision.
However, it is hard to make any kind of judgment when you are not in the relationship yourself because only the couple really knows their situation. Regardless, if the couple has access to technology with the ability to connect the love birds, then long-distance relationships, I would argue, are emotionally and academically healthy as long as the couple is on the same page.
Long-distance relationships often fail for many different reasons — including the fact that physical intimacy is totally intangible, missing your significant other is a constant feeling that one has to learn to deal with, and jealousy — even in its smallest form — can easily become unbearable. Relationship and sex advice columnist Dan Savage gave a speech last year at Manitoba where he argued that unlike most successful relationships, long-distance ones need a “really solid don’t ask don’t tell policy,” so that jealousy and pain can be avoided.
Essentially, long-distance relationships call for space. It’s important for the couple to be honest with each other, yet not necessarily disclose things that are meaningless.
Saying the wrong thing could cause pain because it’s harder to see things the same way when people are not in the same place and can’t constantly have reassurance.
This policy can work for college students. The relationship remains important, but in a way is put aside — allowing the student to spend more time on school, instead of constantly worrying about his or her significant other.
Abigail Sullivan, author of the article, “Long-Distance Affair,” discovered that “late response or poor word choice in a text can leave girlfriends [and boyfriends] stewing for hours about the state of their romance and asking friends and therapists to decipher a message’s meaning.” Nevertheless, when a couple is truly committed to each other, mature enough to put petty things aside and have the capacity to speak without evasiveness, there are many possible ways to succeed.
Unfortunately, uncertainty and vulnerability are common features in all relationships, especially when dealing with young people who are not exactly sure what they want. For a long-distance relationship to remain healthy, a couple has to communicate but not obsess. Instead of trying to talk all of the time, there should be a sense of trust and understanding that does not need constant reassurance.
If couples have reached the point in their relationship where trust is concrete and they know how to deal with each other, then distance should not be that challenging and could potentially help couples academically.
