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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

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Insights on some rather obscure student organizations


There are nine factors to consider when joining a major student organization. Maybe five of them matter. The location the organization deems its home is first (1), after which come admission payments (2), dues (3), de-registration fees (4) and bi-weekly installments (5), though none of these is as important as the meeting times your group unanimously decided upon. You may not have been there for the decision.

Some major student organizations meet at the crack of dawn. Some meet even earlier than that. Some meet so early that cracks, dawns, ticks, tocks and other constellations fail to typify them.

These are the groups that transcend description through their unwillingness to conform. These are the groups that are able, but unwilling to adjust. These are the minor student organizations.

We’ll investigate five among them.

  1. Knights of Columbus: The Knights serve as a charitable organization of Catholics living out their faith. You do not have to be a Knight to join. Nor do you need to have known Columbus. You don’t have to live there, either. It’s this city in Ohio. Columbus, the capital and largest city in Ohio, is known for a lot of things, but an order of Knights dedicated to restoring the repute of an Italian warmonger isn’t among them. They don’t even have a football team. I mean, the Bobcats, University of Ohio, sure. But that’s college. Nobody cares about that.

  2. Gaming, Reading or Writing League (GRWL): The group is dedicated to gaming and fiction. You should know how to read, write or copy. You can be a freshman, sophomore, junior or senior. You’d play Exalted, Shadow Run, World of Darkness or Dungeons and Dragons. You’d write comics, scripts, novels, novellas, novelettes, codes or keynotes. They’re not asking for much.

  3. 5K Running Club: The 5K Running Club accepts beginners, enders and experts alike. In 3.1 miles, you will have ascended into the upper echelons of being. Your grades will get better. Your relationships will last longer. Your smile will grow brighter. Your sun will shine longer. You’ll no longer debate walking to class, because you’ve run 3.1 miles. You’ll no longer insist on gassing the tank, because you’ve run 3.1 miles. You’ll no longer debate taking the stairs, because no set of stairs is 3.1 miles. No set. And when you come across said staircase, in the tallest building of the highest tower, you’ll be ready.

  4. Argentine Tango Club: The Argentine Tango Club separates itself from the Brazilian, Chilean, Portuguese, Uruguayan, Ecuadorian and Peruvian Tango Clubs through their unwillingness to submit to salsa.

  5. Student Government Association (SGA): Despite appearing to constitute a major organization at first glance, one need only reread the name to spot the incongruity.

Senior staff columnist Bryan Washington is an English junior and may be reached at [email protected]

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