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Dear Denise 5: Love, navigating a situationship

In The Cougar’s bi-weekly anonymous advice column, I talk about … love? To submit your questions for future issues, click the Dear Denise button on our home page.

My best friend started dating my crush and knows I like him. Am I in the wrong for refusing to talk to either of them?

Hi! This is an interesting way to kick off this week’s column. To start, yes, I think you’re in the wrong for refusing to talk to them. How are you going to hear their perspective? You need to know the whole story before you actually get mad. 

Your reaction should be different depending on whether the two of them knew that you had a crush. If they did, they are a little messy, but I don’t know if it’s worth cutting them off over. We are grown and having a crush isn’t a claim on another person, especially if you didn’t even tell him. But also, I could understand you being mad on principle. 

Losing a good friend over a man you barely know doesn’t sound like a good idea though, so keep that in mind. 

I feel like this wasn’t helpful at all, I’m sorry.   

Is it OK to date your bests ex?

No! Please no, I’m begging. This question was the literal plot of “Death on the Nile,” and as the title suggests, someone died! I’m not saying this situation would end up in death, but it may be something just as dramatic.  

If your best friend had a relationship with someone, I just feel like that’s an automatic no. It’s disrespectful to them and it may cause your friend to not trust you. They could question if you had negative or evil intentions since the start of their past relationship. I had to look this up, but there are over 7 billion people in the world. I believe you can find someone else to date. 

This guy I have been consistently talking to for a couple of weeks just stopped responding for the past four days. Should I drop him? 

I’m going to say no don’t drop him, but hear me out first. When relationships are new, whether platonic or romantic, sometimes people get self-conscious about how much they are engaging with the person, and to make things less awkward, they just stop talking. Obviously, I don’t know your man so this may not be the case, but if it is, I would advise you to text him first just to see what’s up. 

If you reach out and he doesn’t say anything, then sure, drop him. Why not? 

I’ve been in a situationship for 3 years now and it doesn’t look like we will get together officially. I want to stay together, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. What should I do? 

Situationship is such a funny term. Whoever came up with it deserves their flowers, immediately! To answer your question though, I think you just need to tell them you are tired of the running around and that they need to commit to dating you or everyone will have to go their separate ways. Three years is a ridiculous amount of time to be together, but not together, at the same time. 

To everyone reading this, leave that situationship today! 

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