Threesomes, furry costumes, that person who sits next to you class and all the other things that make it on the long list of things that should only appear in your mind.
These ideas, which seep into your thoughts while you’re daydreaming or engaging in sex, are not strange; everyone has a sexual fantasy. Yet no one openly talks about them. This presents a problem when it comes to fulfilling your sexual fantasies. So, before you get your handcuffs and rent a big bird costume, you have to understand that there is a difference between reality and fiction.
Some things need to be kept between you and your Internet search history. In addition to outrageous fantasies, people also need to understand that no celebrities are going to have sex with them. A good gauge for determining what is fiction is to tell a friend who can keep a secret. If you can’t find courage to ask them, or their response is, “I am pretty sure people get arrested for that,” then you either need to find an alternative or keep it in your head.
Once you talk to someone, you learn that there is difference in what you want to do sexually, and what you’re willing to do. Know where to draw your lines and never cross them; this is even more important when it comes to fulfilling someone else’s desires. Never let yourself be degraded for another’s benefit. Self-respect is more important than any relationship will ever be.
The next step is to find someone to do this with. When in a relationship, talking about sex is more important than actually having sex. If there is no discussion, then there is no way your sex life will improve. However, there is the potential to end up in a really big fight if you go about it the wrong. Some subjects to avoid are body type preferences, what an ex did, what your ex never let you do and the addition of another person.
The right way to go about this is to form good habits for communicating with your partner for everything. Bad habits include never speaking your mind and talking only about immediate goals and yourself. Good habits come from spending most of your time communicating face to face. With the introduction of text messaging and social networking, this is becoming a lost art. These are enemies to a productive talk about sex. There needs to be an immediate response when talking about sex. Waiting around is only more detrimental to the situation.
The most important part of communicating is being able to tell someone no and to accept being told no. No is the word that should be most respected in the relationship dictionary. It means exactly that what it intends. It does not mean try harder. Don’t always say yes in your relationship, that is how you end up crossing a line with yourself.
But if you’re told yes, you have to be careful with how you progress with realizing your fantasy. Go slowly; do not jump into things full force. For example, if you want to hand cuffed, start with a set you can untie with your hands bound. Then, move to only one hand cuffed. Then, if you are comfortable with all of these steps, go for it. You have to carefully adjust to things that are outside the comfort level of your sexual norms. If not, there is the risk of turning a fantasy into a nightmare.
